When people decide to get married, they never think about getting divorced. Divorce, laden with social stigma and marked by emotionally challenging decisions, is never an easy path to contemplate. Yet, in reality, many marriages do end in divorce around the world. The commonly held notion that 50% of all marriages end in divorce is a myth, but the actual numbers are still scary.
According to the statistics provided by Divorce.com, the global divorce rate was 1.8 in 2021, with 2022’s statistics still pending. Although this rate has decreased in the 21st century, it has experienced an increase in Western countries like Norway, the UK, and Canada.
Why is Divorce Challenging?
Parting ways with a person you have deeply loved is always emotionally challenging. It extends beyond an immediate moment of separation, setting off a ripple effect that touches many areas of life.
According to Dr. Corinne Scholtz, a marriage and family therapist, the grieving process after divorce unfolds in four stages. In the first stage, the world seems shattered. In the second stage, there is an interplay of emotions. In the third stage, a new identity transformation begins, leading towards the fourth stage, where you discover your new self.
Whatever the reasons are for the split, whether you want it or not, it is always difficult to cope with it as it poses a lot of emotional grief and triggers all sorts of painful emotions. It involves a sense of loss, grief, depression and uncertainty. It can affect your life to an extent that even your day-to-day activities can become challenging. Divorce can pose the following challenges in the lives of individuals:
- Emotional Turmoil
- Financial Strain
- Legal Complexity
- Social Stigma
- Impact on Children
Strategies for Handling Divorce
Coping with divorce is a formidable task, both emotionally draining and physically tiring. Whether the decision was sought or received, the experience is equally depressing and life-threatening. But there is always room for hope. Whether you are currently experiencing the trauma of divorce or have been facing it for a while, the following strategies can be handy to cope with divorce.
1. Give Yourself a Break
One of the simplest yet impactful strategies involves giving yourself a break while going through the tumultuous landscape of divorce. During the divorce process and the period after it, a person goes through a lot of emotions like grief, a sense of loss, self-doubt, anger and confusion.
At this stage, you cannot be as profound at things as you were before this mishap. So, it is okay to have some rest from your work and responsibilities and spend some time with yourself contemplating about yourself. This strategy involves acknowledging that divorce is emotionally challenging and it is the best option to allow yourself some time to manage the grief and loss.
2. Think Positively
In the challenging terrain of divorce, fostering a positive mindset is among the most effective strategies to navigate through this phase successfully. “It may sound like a cliché, but the power of positive thinking is exactly what it says…powerful”, says Amy Cirbus, a therapist. In the dissolution of marriage, the brain is usually fraught with negative thoughts, and throughout this phase, the behaviour of society adds salt to injury.
Even if you are the one initiating the divorce, it is often hard to grapple with the situation, and it becomes even harder when your ex-spouse blames and taunts you. In this tiring situation, adopting a positive mindset becomes crucial.
Reflecting on your past achievements is a crucial step to divert your attention. Instead of dwelling on the difficulties of the present, prepare for the glorious future by cultivating a positive mindset.
3. Take Time to Explore Your Feelings
Transition from we/us to an I/me is not easy. It involves traversing a range of emotions, from grief and anger to eventually relief and acceptance. It is always a good idea to allow yourself some time and explore your feelings. Allocating time to yourself not only facilitates personal growth but also lays the foundation for a more resilient future.
According to an integrative psychotherapist Jenny Mahlum, exploring yourself and your feelings is the most crucial step to coping with divorce. “Take a moment to reflect on who you were before your marriage. Imagine you are dating, but this time, you’re dating yourself”, she suggests.
4. Take Care of Your Emotional and Physical Health
Beyond the legal intricacies of divorce lie emotional and physical challenges that are often overlooked. Divorce, being a challenging aspect of life, exerts adverse effects on the emotional and physical well-being of individuals. According to research published on Frontiers, there are close “associations between divorce and adverse health outcomes among adults.”
Taking care of your physical health can significantly improve your emotional and psychological well-being. Prioritizing a healthy diet and incorporating light exercise into your daily routine contributes to keeping your body fit and healthy. Diverting your mind towards healthy activities helps you to avoid negative thoughts.
5. Avoid Arguments with those Involved
The dissolution of marriage involves mounting a pyramid of challenges, spanning from child custody or co-parenting to assets division. The most effective way to cope with these challenges is to steer clear of confrontation. Whether the confronting person is your ex-partner or society, avoid indulging in an argument with them.
While this might be misconstrued as a sign of weakness, it is the best strategic move to help you through this difficult phase. When faced with individuals attempting to create drama, avoid confrontation and divert your attention to something positive.
6. Explore New Interests and Hobbies
Engaging in some hobbies provides a platform for personal reinvention. It allows individuals to break free from past experiences and relationships. Exploring new hobbies and interests can serve as a gateway for you to escape the challenges of divorce.
“If there’s an interest you suppressed because your former spouse didn’t like it, consider taking it up again”, says Laura Williams, a writer at Everyday Health. The key is to keep yourself busy because dwelling on past events makes you feel depressed.
Additionally, involving yourself in volunteer services can be highly beneficial. Not only does it keep you occupied, but it also gives you peace of mind and a sense of achievement by contributing to the well-being of others.
7. Surround Yourself with Supportive Friends
Coping with divorce is undeniably challenging, and during this period, social support helps a lot. Surrounding yourself with friends who bring joy rather than pity is essential. Identify one or more close friends who can heal your wounds with calming words and uplift your spirits.
Connecting with individuals who have gone through a similar phase can be immensely beneficial. Talking to them expressing your feelings and listening to their experiences and coping strategies will help you in your hard times. It will allow you to vent your emotions and produce a sense of shared understanding, reassuring you that you are not alone.
8. Go for Therapy
Last but not the least on the list is opting for therapy. If you have tried everything by yourself and still cannot get out of that dark phase of your life, professional assistance becomes a crucial need.
A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that those women who opted for two specific therapies—acceptance and commitment therapy and compassion-focused therapy— found them helpful in coping with the challenges of divorce.
Therapy provides a confidential space where individuals can explore their emotions and devise coping mechanisms to navigate the complexities of divorce. A professional therapist can guide, provide resilience strategies and offer emotional support according to patients’ circumstances.
How Long Does it Take to Cope with Divorce?
The duration an individual takes to cope with the complexities of divorce varies significantly. The journey through the stages of healing until the development of a new identity is a highly individualized process shaped by a multitude of factors, such as the level of social support, the nature of relationships, and personal resilience.
While the timeline for navigating the challenges of divorce is unique to each person, one thing remains constant—assurance that despite the prevailing darkness, there is always a ray of light. Sooner or later, it will shine bright.